I would rather be anywhere than here without you

I try not to write about work here, but today a coworker’s 21-month old baby died. It was all I could do to not walk out as soon as I heard and come straight home to Mama and 3B. I miss them enough on regular days. A reminder of how quickly things can change makes it almost unbearable.

All of the “what if’s” creep in at times like this. I called immediately, but nobody answered. That’s not unusual. As a matter of fact, I take it as a good sign under normal circumstances: they’re napping, nursing, or out for a walk, I think. But today all manner of horrible “what if’s” flew through my mind, and my practice of telling them both that I love them every time I leave the house because one never knows what the future brings was cold comfort to me, sitting at my desk, listening to the purr of the ringing, unanswered phone.

Of course, when I got home, everyone was fine. 3B had been napping on Mama’s chest, so she couldn’t get up to answer the phone, that’s all. But before then, on the way home, Monopoly, by Shawn Colvin had been playing:

And I thought I could let you go in grace
I’ve gotta think again
Because right now I would be bought
and sold
To see your face somewhere
I would sell your sweet soul
Just to touch your crazy black gold hair . . .
I would rather be anywhere
Than here without you

I’d be lying if I said that didn’t make me race home a little faster.

  • As I get older, I think that the most tragic thing on earth is having a parent outlive a child. It’s why I cherish every moment and always try to race home a little faster. So sorry about your co-workers loss. I can’t even imagine.

  • That is so sad; I’m sorry for their loss. It’s scary not knowing what tomorrow brings. It’s good to keep that in mind so that we appreciate each day that we’re here and don’t take life for granted.

  • Nope, I can’t really imagine that happening either, though I pretend I can when I worry all the time.

    I remember when I was pregnant the first time, a friend with a toddler told me how she couldn’t tolerate anything with kids in danger in movies any more. I am right there with her now.

    My condolences to your coworker and more hugs from us for the Bradsteins.

  • I’m sorry – I can’t read farther than the first line.

    I … just can’t.