The shyster survives

Shyster” is one of Mama’s favorite names for Barky, which has turned out to be appropriate this weekend, although “pisser” is more appropriate of late.

Thanks to everyone for your concern, questions, and tips about Barky’s recent adventure. They were chocolate brownies, and Mama did call the vet first thing. The vet asked the standard questions–this isn’t our first parade–for chocolate poisoning, such as his weight, how much he ate, and so forth and said that he’ll be OK. We would just need to make sure that he got a bland diet and plenty of water through the weekend, which we’ve done.

This isn’t new to us. The first time we went through it–when we panicked, not only calling the vet, but Googling our brains out before deciding that he’d live–was on tax day a few years back, when the little shyster got into a package of chocolate cookies, which had a much higher sugar content than the brownies, apparently. After we dropped off our taxes at the post office at midnight, we stood in the dog park for an hour trying to stay awake while Barky sprinted laps around the perimeter of the park.

When he finally came down enough to trot over to get some water and see if we were still there, we clicked him into his leash and dragged his happy ass home, where he sat up all night, watching the Animal Planet, Lassie reruns, and our entire DVD collection of old Snoopy TV specials. When he wasn’t outside scheissing, that is. It was strange living with a perky beagle for a few days, and strange to buy chicken to boil for his bland diet. Boiling it took me back to the days when I would parboil chicken in beer before barbequeing it–a trick I learned from my friend’s dad in high school. It made for some tasty chicken, but when I was boiling chicken for Barky, after years of being a vegetarian, all I noticed was what a nasty mess chicken made everywhere it went.

This time we just mixed the rice in with his dog food, being too lazy and not being concerned enough about his survival to buy chicken. Before you carnivores out there get your knickers in a twist about how rough the mutt must have it in a veggie household, rest assured that his food is full of meat–or what passes for meat in dog food, anyway–and that his favorite treats are rawhides. Like brownies, rawhides make him into a water-chugging shyster, but unlike brownies, they aren’t toxic.

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  • No twisted knickers here, dogs can be healthy vegetarians after all…meat is just more yummy for them.

    Cats though, cats would have trouble. Can’t see giving my cats taurine supplements just to avoid meat.

    At least you’re not giving him those wired marinated pigs’ ears, those are a thousand times more icky than rawhides.

  • Glad he’s okay. What a little nutball.