The personal touch

UPDATE: Please read Arabella’s comment below and my subsequent post about this.

Hi [Name],

I read many blogs, and it’s always great to come across a well written Dad’s take on life.

My name is Arabella and I’m from Knucklehead Marketing, a marketing agency based in Los Angeles.

I’m looking for influential writers like yourself to review the new Wisk 3x Multi-Action Laundry Detergent. I’d like to send you a full-size bottle for review on your site, http://bradstein.blogspot.com/.

We’re looking for your honest, journalistic opinion and feedback and hope that such a review would be of interest to your readers.

Please let me know if you’re interested, and I will follow-up with you soon about this opportunity.

Thanks,
Arabella
Knucklehead Marketing


Here’s my “honest, journalistic opinion and feedback,” Arabella

  • Modern typefaces no longer require two spaces after periods for clarity.
  • Follow up” as a noun or an adjective requires a hyphen, but as a verb, it has no hyphen.
  • Form letters are far more effective when you replace “[Name]” with the actual name of the person you are writing to.

And a happy Father’s Day to everyone at Knucklehead Marketing.

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  • You badass editor you! Go get ’em!

    [Name]…love that personal touch.

    Too bad that “influential writers like yourself” bit didn’t butter you up a bit more, then you might have been more forgiving.

  • Clearly he hasn’t read enough of this blog to know that I’m a total jackass with no tolerance for spam, junk mail, or phonebot calls. Or for clowns, coke smugglers, and callous bastards named Ruben Campoy.

  • Harsh. And funny as hell. Go get em Papa.

  • Gah! Just for the record, I learned how to type from a stern, old broad in my middle school and she made sure the whole “two spaces” thing was firmly lodged in my tiny skull. It’s a hard lesson to unlearn. However, she never would have let me get away with “[NAME]” either.

  • you’re so smart.
    🙂

    and that was funny.
    How do you think she’s feeling now?

  • denverdad: my typing teacher was “Ms.Simpson”, and she was the same way.

  • lmao.

  • This was MY response when I replied to her:

    “Hello, [Name]!

    I receive so many requests to test and review products, that it’s nice to finally get one for something that interests me. I’d love to review [product] because it’s one of my favorite brands.

    Please send it to [address] and I’ll give it my honest and fair opinion.

    Because I’m feeling so [emotion] today, I’d be happy to help you out!

    Thanks,

    [Name]”

  • LAD: Holy crap. I totally missed that we were playing Mad Libs. Thanks for the heads up; I had a drunken, pissed off sailor fill in the blanks for me and sent off my reply.

  • Okay…well, here’s a letter from me…

    Dear Sony,

    I’m a bloggin’ bada$$.
    I review stuff all of the time, and my devoted readers are truly interested in my opinion on various products.

    This month, I would like to review your newest, largest, wall-mountable flat tv. Additionally, I would like to check out your latest laptop to blog about both products.

    Feel free to ship one or more of each to me at the following address:
    ….

    Thanks,
    Lainey-Paney

  • Hi, I’m Arabella — and I’m the one who accidently sent that e-mail to Papa Bradstein. I’ve been personally blogging for years and just shut down my personal blog because of things associated with blogging. I think we seem to forget that there’s a person behind the computer screen. I truly apologize for sending that e-mail. I didn’t mean it as spam, it’s just my job to get bloggers to try products. I do feel really badly about everything. I wish you all luck with your blogs.

    Sincerely,
    Arabella

    (you can Google my name, “Arabella Santiago” to see the work I’ve done.)

  • I’ve read all the comments here, but I just have to say that LAD’s response is just classic. LOL.

  • I can tell from her post just how much she cares. Look, she spammed you again.