Listing to port, send olives . . . and some gin wouldn’t hurt

I came home today
and both our cars were gone.
And there were all these new pink
Flamingos arranged in star patterns
All over the lawn.
Then I went into the kitchen
And it looked like a tornado had it.
And then I realized I was in the wrong house.

–Laurie Anderson

Current contents of our dining room:

  • 1 table
  • 4 chairs
  • 1 Devil’s Tower of laundry
  • 1 rug
  • 3 bicycles
  • 6 flower pots
  • 3 planter boxes
  • 1 set of plastic drawers filled with gardening tools
  • 1 rolling turtle habitat stand
  • 1 turtle habitat
  • 1 turtle
  • 1 concrete-filled paint bucket with eight-foot tall pipe topped by two-foot wide satellite dish

(Not included by virtue of being illicitly stashed in the HVAC room of our balcony:

  • 1 patio table
  • 2 patio chairs
  • 2 flower pot stands
  • 1 adorable welded steel basset hound)

This forced relocation of our possessions from our balcony is due to tomorrow’s balcony recoating, mandated by the building. When they scheduled it weeks ago, we thought that a Wednesday was great, since that’s 3B’s day at Ms. K’s, so his schedule won’t be interrupted (any more than a day at Ms. K’s will disturb it, that is).

Now that he’s sick, however, he’s going to be staying here to avoid sharing the fun with the other kids and to get some rest. The only hitch with that last part is the aforementioned balcony recoating. Let’s just hope that it’s a quiet project. And if it’s not, let’s hope that Mama doesn’t lock them out on the balcony.

While I’m all, like, in a list-making mode, let’s tally this week, shall we? I know that it’s only Tuesday, but I’d hate to lose count.

Trips to airport: 1
Barfing episodes: 1
Fever temperature: 101.eh
Days of fever: 2, so far
Family friend’s funeral: 1
Nights sitting shiva: 1
Bradsteins sitting shiva: 1
Bradsteins at home with fever and satellite dish in dining room: 2
Items in dining room: 634
Weeks until Mama and Papa bike 100 miles in one day: 10
Days of training in last two weeks: 0

I understand that life ebbs and flows, but I’m feeling a bit like I’m standing on the bottom of the Bay of Fundy at high tide right now, and where I really need to be is taking a test in a Dairy Queen on another planet.

However, despite all the aforementioned items, were I to stuff a message into an empty Bombay Sapphire bottle to send to shore with news of my condition, I would mention only three items:

Date on which 3B first kissed someone: 14 August 2007
Name of person 3B first kissed: Me
Number of times 3B kissed me today: 3

That’s even better than pink flamingos in star patterns all over the lawn.

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  • HA! LIST-MAKERS SHALL RULE THE WORLD!

    (ahem. i love lists.)

  • “Date on which 3B first kissed someone: 14 August 2007
    Name of person 3B first kissed: Me
    Number of times 3B kissed me today: 3″

    . . . which means the number of people barfing will almost certainly be increased. . .

    Who cares though? That’s adorable! Love those baby kisses.

  • I hope 3B and Papa and Mama are feeling better soon. You only have the contents of your balcony in your house. I have the entire contents of the moving truck in here somewhere, DSL won’t be connected until tomorrow (so I steal from my unsuspecting neighbor) and everything is wrapped in cardboard for safety. At least I can find my laptop. It is in the teenager’s lap.

  • That is a wonderful moment, that first kiss.

    I can tell you, it gets even better…lately I’ve been treated to “Mama, you’re so pretty,” and “Mama, I’ll be your friend forever,” and “”Mama, you’re covered in my love!” (the last after being assaulted with numerous sloppy preschooler kisses).

    Feel better soon, all of you, including the poor balcony soon to be coated in goo.

  • Oh…the sweeet sweeeeeeet sweet baby kisses.

    I love when Gage kisses me.
    Love it.

    Hope 3B’s feeling better soon.
    And oh—maybe he wasn’t kissing you…maybe he is just trying to get you sick.
    😛

  • Wow. I could live my life a happy man if that’s all I had in my living room. My list would probably cover the whole page of my blog. Ugh.

    Baby kisses are the best.

  • Yeah for baby kisses!

    *fingers crossed he didn’t infect you on purpose*