Your mom is so cool, and I’m so busted

The blogosphere is a strange place–one that can chew you up and spit you out, embrace you in a group hug, or hoover up every spare minute of your life. And it can even make you correct your grammar, or make your mother call you to correct your grammar.

Seriously folks, you don’t need to sweat the commas, I turn off the editor brain after work. In fact, it’s not even on all the time at work these days, since I moved on from being an editor when I took my new job. (Of course, I’m still super-scrupulous at work, and I’m not just writing that because my boss’ wife reads this blog. Well, OK, maybe a little bit.)

And I do appreciate your concern for my cardiac health, but I have to say that you may have imperiled it by letting me know that your mom regularly reads the blog, L-P. Do you know how much that stressed me out? What have I written about? What words have I used…oh crap!

But nothing I’ve said here will rise to the level of my lunch conversation with my coworkers yesterday. We were swapping dog stories when I described how Barky had been out at Auntie Banana’s house with two other dogs, and how we’d heard all about what good times he’d had and we’re feeling so proud of him for being so well behaved until we got the pictures from Auntie Banana that showed him–and I quote myself here–“humping the shit out of some dog.”

OK, here’s the thing about me and my potty mouth–it’s a binary system. There are two settings:

  • drunken sailor who’s just smashed every finger with a sledgehammer
  • mouth closed

However inappropriate my description was, I don’t believe that it was incorrect. I’ll let you be the judge:


So, at work, I’ll be the guy in the meeting with the tape over my mouth.

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  • how many times do we have tell you…it’s called ‘leapfrog’.

  • You would probably have to be whispering it in my ear as I spoke for me to remember it. Even if I was capable of retaining that, you know that I’d find a way to screw it up too.

  • Christy

    I am so glad you posted this. I heard about it over dinner, but obviously it’s not the same without the picture.

    Obviously.

  • samantha jo campen

    When you said a good time was had by all, you weren’t kiddin’.

    Way to go Barky!

  • Funny thing isn’t it? We put our writing out there for the internet, but when we find out that a particular person or people are reading it, it becomes a great source of embarrassment and stress. Weird, huh?

  • Courting: I believe you say he’s courting a possible mate. Or, to elaborate, he’s showing an amorous interest in a fellow canine. You could add “vigorous” in there somewhere.

    (You want to specify the fellow canine, so it’s clear you’re not talking about someone’s leg. Honestly, though, I can’t imagine how you left out the word bitch. The one time when it’s exactly the right word to use, no P.C. handcuffs or any other restrictions, and you give us “some dog”?)

    At least he’s sniffing some other dog’s rump for once.

  • I watched a very large dog exhibit this same behavior over a much smaller dog once. My dog was not one of the involved parties. The really funny part was that the large dog was so large and the small dog was so small that there was no contact between the two. In fact, if the little dog had been possessed of sense rather than fear, she could have turned around and applied her teeth to something that would have really discouraged him once and for all.