$5,000 for two smoking Tatas from India
What the–? Someone figured out how to outsource boob jobs? No, a Tata is an Indian car, you pervert. And they’re going to be selling them for $2,500. For that price, you get a deathtrap that will warm the globe faster than it will get you to your destination, but they’re so cheap that you can buy them in pairs, and leave the first one on the side of the road when it falls apart and switch to the second one. No word on whether or not they come with the standard Yugo accessory set: two wire coat hangers–one for the antenna and one to hold the muffler on. That might be the deluxe model.
375,000 square foot apartment, entirely furnished by IKEA for rent–FREE!
I’d rather do what I do for a living than be a ticket taker, even for the Colbert Report, but then again, there are perks to a more fluid lifestyle, like getting to live in an IKEA for a week for free. OK, one small downside–all the appliances are fake. But, as 3B found out this weekend, the upside to that is that those are computers any toddler can
bang on play with as long as he likes. The toddler downside, however, is that the shower doesn’t work…
My name is IKEA, and I come from a long line of chefs
I believe that I may have finally recovered from this weekend, which started at 5:30 a.m. Saturday morning, when 3B stood up in his crib and started calling out for Hot for Teacher.
Dude, you’re killing me.
No, he doesn’t stand up, wave his lighter in the air, and yell, “Hot for Teacher! Play Hot for Teacher! We want Hot for Teacher! Eddieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” He does stand up and chant, “Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum.” Rather than take this as a commentary on our intelligence, we’ve learned to interpret this as a call for drums, thanks in part to 3B’s flailing hand gestures toward the computer, from whence said drums come.
But, dude, at 5:30 on Saturday morning? Van Halen? Are you kidding?
See, we were planning on you sleeping in, as you’ve been doing, until 7:30 or so, and having a leisurely day. Sunday was going to be our early and busy day, when we planned to snatch you up as soon as you awoke, feed you, coffee ourselves, walk you and Barky, and get to IKEA as soon as they opened to get you a little table to color, eat, and play at.
Fortunately for your future art career, we were smart enough to nap while you did on Saturday, so we could still take you to that playplace known as IKEA, which you ruled like the king you are:
Seriously, this would make bathtime so much easier–no more bending over and no more protests when we dry your hair–we could just lay out out on the drying rack with the bottles and nipples:
And seriously, mornings would be much easier if Sarah would just agree to an arranged marriage with Claudia, who could serenade 3B with all the drums he wants early in the morning while Mama and Papa sleep.