Originally, the title of this was “Good parents don’t need microfiber.” I was going to describe how 3B has been eating his way through his box of Valentine’s chocolates, one messy, melting piece at a time.
Typically, he gets his piece while sitting on my lap in the glider, as I read him a story. By the time 3B’s done with it, or spits it out, in the case of a caramel, he’s smeared melted chocolate on his face, shirt, pants, and on me, my clothes, and across the chair. Fortunately, we got the glider that’s covered in microfiber.
One could ask, I suppose, if it wouldn’t be easier to not give the boy chocolate than to pay more for the microfiber.
One could ask.
One could also ask what the toxic dose of raisins is for a dog. One could ask, but the answer would not be counted in raisins. And so, if you are like us and leave a box of chocolates–some filled with raisins–in reach of your hound whilst you’re shopping at IKEA, you would discover the answer is counted in days and dollars. To be specific, Barky is now spending two days, and we are spending something like $2,000 on raisin poisoning prophylaxis.
Did we need to undertake this treatment? It’s unclear. What would happen if we didn’t? Oh, he’d be fine, or suffer a horrible death through renal failure. I guess Barky is related to his cousin, after all. Either that, or he was desperate to get out of his teeth cleaning appointment tomorrow, although it’s a bit ironic to do it by eating a box of chocolates, no?
Nothing tastes as sweet as irony, however, so it should be no surprise that when I got home from the vet, Mama found that box of Valentine’s chocolate that we thought we’d accidentally recycled. Nor perhaps that we went to IKEA to order our new pantries so we’ll have somewhere to put our bleach, laundry detergent, Swiffer pads, and so forth, to keep them out of 3B’s reach. I suppose we’ll have to save a shelf in there for chocolates.
At least we had a good time at IKEA. 3B even got to drive us home…