Used correctly, a whoopee cushion can asphyxiate you

…and by “used correctly,” I mean “used to make the sound of splattering flatulence that shocks an unsuspecting victim.”

To back up a few steps, Mama took the kids to the dollar store yesterday to get supplies for 3B’s birthday party on Sunday (spoiler alert to all his friends who read this blog–we shop at the dollar store for party items). She let 3B and Jewel each buy one item while they were there, which they were excited about…at the time.

However, by the time they picked me up at the Metro station moments later, both were suffering dreadful cases of buyer’s remorse, to the point that neither wanted to talk about their purchases. A dinner at Silver Diner–free for us birthday boys–got them out of their funk a bit, especially the cake at the end.

By the time we were back at the car, driving home, 3B was starting to use his purchase–a whoopee cushion–and we spend much of the ride home laughing too loud at jokes that were probably too rude. Do fart jokes ever really get old?

When we got home, he wanted to get Mama with it one more time. She was reading bedtime stories to Jewel, so we laid it under a lovie on the floor just outside Jewel’s door…you know, to hide it. Mama would never figure it out, I assured 3B.

She, of course, knew exactly what the lump under the lovie was, but stepped on it anyway, then let out a yelp of sincere surprised, shocked at just how loud it was.

As 3B later observed, “I put it in a good place because I could fall down on the floor and roll around laughing without getting hurt.” He did just that, laughing so hard that he couldn’t breathe, turning bright red. Every time he came up for air, each breath just brought peals of laughter until again he couldn’t speak and fell over, laughing. I swear he went five minutes without breathing at one point.

Those laughs and the collateral laughs Mama and I got from it were easily worth more than the $1 the whoopee cushion cost. Waaaaay more.

Here’s hoping Jewel’s princess stickers provide the same return on investment.

What about you? What’s the best unexpected gift your kids have gotten?